Why Second Marriages Can Be So Much Better

Because what you learn from a divorce can be a gift.

My husband and I have been married for about a year and a half, and it’s been the best time of my life.

 At times, it can still feel unreal, like when we have a disagreement instead of a full-on blow-out fight where someone gets called a bitch or an asshole. Like when we come to decisions together and feel like a team. Like when we put on Santa hats, load up his kid, mine, and our newborn and all go look at Christmas lights around the neighborhood.

 It sometimes doesn’t even feel like a marriage because my definition of a marriage based on my first one was “an endless slog, an uphill battle, a nasty battle of wills.”

 I have to admit that my first marriage never felt like this, and that’s not me rhapsodizing and romanticizing my present. That’s me remembering the reality when it should have been rosy, like on our honeymoon, like during that first and second year.

 My husband and I yet to have the amount of my history I had with my ex-husband. We are still learning the intimate details of each other’s lives and will for some time, but regardless, marriage is so much better the second time around.
 Here are the reasons why:

 After being shattered by my divorce and coming back around to me, I know myself. I have never thought for one second that my second husband would “complete” me because I’m already complete, sweetheart.

 We can both be independent people and create the kind of life we both dream of . . . Together.

 I married him for him, not for his potential. Not based on a fantasy or delusion. I married him because of his faults that I’ve grown to love as much as his assets.

 In order to not repeat the past, we have to take responsibility for it.

 I know why my first marriage failed: I allowed unacceptable behavior. I stayed with and then married someone for their potential instead of their reality. I wasn’t kind. I wasn’t respectful.

 Any divorce breaks you irrevocably, but it also can be your greatest teacher of what not to do next time.

 I don’t yell at my husband. I don’t snap at him for not doing the dishes or littering our kitchen counter-tops with food wrappers. I, instead, show him appreciation for all of the things he does for me and our children.

 When my husband and I said, “I do” on our wedding day, we knew exactly what we were getting into. There was no longer the luxury of the great unknown that I felt on my first wedding day.

 Marriage requires work, sacrifice, perseverance, and a major sense of humor. It’s about having a lifetime companion that you can really get through anything with.

 Marriage means making decisions that are best for us, instead of what’s best for him or me individually.

 My second marriage has been an eyes-wide-open experience.

 To endure a worst-case scenario and not only survive but thrive through it is a gift unlike any other.

 Marrying my second husband meant letting go of the “perfect spouse” ideal and

committing to the person who had all of my must-haves while also his own imperfections.

 While I wouldn’t wish a divorce on anyone, I’m grateful to have learned the lessons I did in order to enter into the marriage I have today. Our second marriage is so much better than both of our firsts because we know what to expect, how to communicate, how to take responsibility, and, most importantly, how to love.

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