Some of these might surprise you.
As a Relationship Coach, I hear time and time again, "Why do I keep getting rejected?"
There are a lot of reasons why ONE woman might reject you.
While someone rejecting you FEELS very personal, it's not. Attraction and chemistry are subjective. Just because you're feeling it doesn't mean they are. Just because you're amazing doesn't mean they think so too.
Rejection sucks, but there's a positive to it too. When we're into someone, our vision narrows. We only see that one person and we're likely ignoring a lot of others who may actually be into us. Someone canceling themselves out can help us open our eyes to someone else.
Since I time and time again get asked this, here's a not all-inclusive list of the 25 most common reasons why she passed on you:
1. The shallow
too bare-faced (not enough facial hair).
too young (more common of a problem than its opposite).
What turns on one woman may turn off another, so it's perfectly all right if you aren't your date's ideal. You just need to move on and find someone who finds you and all you got hot.
Trim your nails. Get your teeth regularly cleaned, and get any dental work that you need. Make sure to have fresh breath. Wear clean clothes and deodorant. MANSCAPE. Please wear less instead of more cologne.
You never want your date to wonder if they should run bleach over their hands afterward.
3. Major differences in diet
If your date is vegan and you're a fan of the carnivore diet, that will likely be a major dealbreaker. Just think: she's wanting someone who not only doesn't eat anything with a face but also doesn't wear leather, and you want to eat some meat cooked so rare it could get up and walk.
Dietary preferences can often mean a lifestyle preference (think how interwoven the paleo diet and Crossfit are), so if you don't compliment one another in that way, you can expect her not to continue to be interested.
4. You’re dishonest.
Dishonesty, even minor fibbing, in the early stages of a relationship will often send most women running.
Are you wearing a hat in all of your pictures because you're trying to hide a bald spot ("hat fishing")? Are any of your photos full body and recent (aka not from 5 years ago or from when you used to go to the gym 5 days a week)? Do you still live with your parents or an ex? Do you say you're divorced, but you're actually just separated? Do you beat around the bush that you have kids? Are you unemployed? Are you actually 40, but you’re saying you’re 32?
5. You’re rude.
Stay off your phone. Practice basic human courtesy to your date and anyone else you come in contact with (think: server, valet, etc.). If you think other people are giving you nasty looks, it mightttt be because you’re being an asshole.
6. You don’t drink (or drug).
If a woman drinks (or drugs) and you don’t, she may not be totally into that. It may make her uncomfortable if she is and you’re not, and she may see it similar to the diet thing: as you guys not having complementary lifestyles.
7. You party excessively.
If you drink (or drug) too much, it’s possible she’s not going to like that either. While that might be fun when you're both young, if a woman is looking to settle down and have some babies, she's not going to want to have it with a guy who thinks going clubbing every weekend is ideal.
8. You smoke.
Non-smokers don’t love dating smokers. They may start dating you thinking that you’ll quit and if you don’t . . .
9. You’re vain.
If you love to take shirtless selfies all the time, stare in mirrors, or talk about how great you look, don’t expect someone to bow down at your feet. We all want to be celebrated. It sort of sucks when our person would prefer to celebrate themselves.
10. You’re too busy.
Everyone has 20 seconds in their day to send something like, “Been really busy, but I’ve been thinking of you!”
If you feel like you don’t or don’t want to with whomever you’re currently going on dates with, then it doesn’t sound like you’re ready to date or to date them.
11. You play hard to get.
Playing hard to get, however you do it (not responding back consistently, being hard to reach, saying you want something serious, but then not acting like it, etc.), is going to turn off many women quickly.
In nearly every city in the U.S., there are more single men than women. That means women have the power in the dating arena, so while you're not talking to her consistently, I bet there are plenty of other guys who will.
12. You're not great in the bed department.
As a general rule, the guys who tell a woman they're great in bed are usually terrible. These guys are usually selfish, performative, and/or too focused on results (aka whether she O's or not) to actually be decent in bed.
The best sexual partners are teachable because every person likes different things in different ways. You should go into every intimate experience expecting to learn more about your partner and share with them more about you as well.
Even if you don't have a lot of experience in the bedroom, you can let the lady lead and communicate as you go. That'd be vastly more preferable than presuming you know what she wants or "needs."
Also a gentlemen never kisses and tells. Plenty of women have broken up with men because those men decided to brag.
13. You’re negative.
If you look for it, you can find something nice to say about anything, but some people would rather complain about everything.
No one wants to date those people.
There’s nothing more unattractive than someone who just wants to complain.
14. You keep bringing up your ex.
If your ex's name is in your mouth, you're likely not over her.
That can even mean if you're pissed at her, or you just want to point out how your current date is better. Does. Not. Matter. If that woman's name is in your mouth, she's in your thoughts, and if she's in your thoughts, you've got some unprocessed baggage around her.
Now I'm not ignoring that there can be good reasons to bring up your ex, but those instances should be sparse and, most importantly, in context.
If you just can't stop talking about her, take a break from dating and do some work on letting her go.
15. You're too pushy and/or try to move too fast.
Romantic relationships should never be transactional. A woman doesn't "owe" you anything, regardless of whether you bought her dinner or were nice to her or whatever. Romantic intimacy should only proceed if both parties are comfortable.
If you continually try to push or coerce a "no" or a "maybe" into a "yes," that's going to be the quickest way for you to end up left, pushed/slapped, or with a sexual assault/rape charge.
Consent is VERY important. Always let her take the lead, and treat a "no" as a "no."
16. You cling.
Relationships need to develop at their own pace. You can’t create something long-term or partner-y by trying to "lock it down" with a girl way too soon.
Let her pick the pace in the very beginning. She'll appreciate it.
17. You're really mad at women.
I've watched a couple of interviews with incels. I get that it sucks and is hard out there for guys, but these guys weren't ugly. What was wrong about them is that they had seriously ugly attitudes about women.
These guys threw fits. They lashed out at women if things didn't go their way. They tended to generalize ("all women do _____").
Not only is it unfair for someone to take their small sampling of experiences about women and make it about ALL women, it also just makes them sincerely unattractive. Who wants to date a man that thinks all women are bimbo sluts? (No one.)
18. You're disrespectful.
Just like I said earlier that gentlemen never kiss and tell, there are also a slew of other behaviors they don't do because they are respectful.
We hear it all the time that women just love bad boys, but do they have healthy successful long-term relationships with them? No! At the most, they might have a really sucky baby daddy. If you want something serious with a woman, start with never idolizing the "bad boys."
Talk to her in a polite manner. Treat her with courtesy. Be clear with her, especially if you're dating other people or not interested in her. Keep whatever she shares with you (including naughty photos) private. Don't push her to do something she doesn't want to do.
19. You don’t agree on politics.
Politics is extremely divisive right now. If you just mention what your political party affiliation is, you may turn off a whole slew of potential dates (which you may or may not want).
Try to reserve your political debates for your friends and not a date. If your date’s belief on certain political topics is a dealbreaker, assess those early, and then focus on other things.
20. You have different life goals.
If your date has a kid, it’s not likely she’s going to be able to drop everything and travel the globe. Certain differences in beliefs or opinions are okay, but if you’re heading down two completely different life paths, then your date may not see any kind of future with you.
21. You’re not financially responsible.
If she’s responsible with money and potentially has a child or children to worry about, but you have a ton of debt or struggle to pay your bills on time, it’s highly doubtful she’s going to stick around. Most of us want our equal, and it isn’t fair if she’s taking care of herself and you aren’t.
22. You waffle on monogamy.
Monogamy isn’t for everyone, but if it’s what your date wants, then she likely won’t be okay if you’d rather not be exclusive, or you’d prefer polyamory/open relationships/ethical non-monogamy.
She also may not be okay if you seem like too much of a flirt, watch porn too much, or only follow and like thirst traps on your IG. She very well might assume you’re not prepared to focus on just her and be in a relationship.
23. You do or don’t want kids.
If you never want kids but your date has two? That may be a problem. If you want kids, but your date’s had her tubes tied and never wants to change a diaper again? That’s another problem.
24. You love — or hate — pets too much.
She has 8 cats. Her dog has a diamond collar, and she carries her in a purse wherever she goes. Or she can’t stand dogs or cats. Whenever she's around your lab, she holds her hands up and tries to make him not interested in her.
If your date doesn’t love or hate pets in the same way you do, you may find yourself not having a date #2.
25. You’re always involved in drama.
If you reel from crisis to crisis, your date may not want to ride that roller coaster. Drama is exhausting, even if it’s just on your periphery, and no one has time for that if they have a life and responsibilities of their own.
Also, if you’re always involved in drama, you have some kind of part in that. You can’t be in anything without choosing to participate.
We all have our dealbreakers. If you keep finding yourself striking out with women you like, maybe this list of dealbreakers can help you figure out why. With that information, you can accept it for what it is and wait for someone who likes you for you, or you can see if it’s something you’d like to change.
Related post: How To Make A Woman Crazy For You
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