5 ways to get today’s woman to lock it down
Dating has changed.
For centuries, women had to choose men that could financially support them because the jobs available to women couldn’t support a family. The jobs available to women were 1.) not “respectable,” 2.) dangerous, 3.) low-paying, and/or 4.) banned them from getting married (Women teachers up until 1964 in the U.S. could be fired if they got married.).
But it’s 2021 now.
Today’s women can and do take care of themselves. According to the most recent data from the U.S. Department of Labor, women ages 16 and over make up 51.7% of the workforce.
Many women today aren’t looking for providers; they’re looking for partners, TEAMmates. This makes sense because the make-up of families have changed as well. In April 2020, the U.S. Department of Labor reported that 64.2% of families have two working parents.
If you’re hoping to recreate the kind of relationship your parents or grandparents have or had, you’re very likely setting yourself up for disappointment. The sooner you can accept that society is marching toward equality, the better off your dating life will be.
Keeping in mind this changed dating landscape, the following tips can help today’s woman fall in love with you.
1. Care for her.
I’m a feminist, and that in no way means I don’t want to be cared for.
The way you show care for another is likely related to your love language. My husband, for example, shows care for me through acts of service. He washes and vacuums out my car. He opens doors for me, and if we’ve been overcharged for something, he’ll call and get it corrected.
He and I both know that I’m perfectly capable of doing all of these things by myself. That’s not the point. He does these things for me because he loves and appreciates me.
We all have feminine and masculine qualities, and you should see your own qualities as functioning on a spectrum.
Showing care for your partner is simply tapping more into your nurturing side. Modern men must do this. You’re doing this not because the woman in your life is a helpless child, but because that’s how good teammates work together.
2. Listen to her.
After one guy asked me on a date, he then followed up with, “Are there any places you absolutely refuse to go?”
“I will not eat at any buffet,” I told him. Even before Covid-19, I was never a fan of any food place that has sneeze guards in place.
Where did he end up taking me? A sushi BUFFET.
He hadn’t told me where we were going, so when we pulled up in the parking lot, I reminded him of what I’d said.
“You’ll love this buffet,” he told me.
“No…I won’t,” I told him. “I told you I won’t eat at a buffet, and I doubt I’ll eat at this one.”
He didn’t take me seriously, so he pushed me to come inside and “check things out.” It was just a normal buffet, one I definitely wouldn’t eat at. While he filled his plate, I called an Uber.
We need to listen to the people around us, especially on things we’ve expressly asked them.
I don’t have to “be a good sport” on something I’ve clearly expressed in advance.
Many men need to learn how to be better listeners. If you don’t, you may be inadvertently pushing women away.
3. Be clear with her.
If you want to peel her panties off her as many times as possible but never learn her grandmother’s name, tell her. If you want to date her and other people, tell her. If you want to date just her but you don’t like boyfriend/girlfriend labels, tell her. If you want to get married and have children some day but not with her, tell her. If you want something with her and her alone possibly for forever, tell her.
Intimacy forms at the intersection of trust and safety.
If you aren’t clear with her upfront and/or drag her along while you’re trying to figure things out, she’ll know intuitively and put up safeguards against getting too close to you. If you put it out there though, you’ll also be inviting her to join you, which can lead to love.
4. Take care of yourself.
I’ve had too many male readers and clients contact me about how confused they are about “how to be a man today.” They want to be a provider, and that clearly means to them that they have dependents. Without children, there’s an expectation that their female partner will be their dependent, yet that’s not what many women want or need today.
For this reason, you need to focus on your own purpose. Your own purpose doesn’t mean having a dependent partner anymore; it means starting that business you’ve always wanted to, losing weight, or going back to school. It means finding your own passion and how to pursue it.
If you’ve given up having goals or dreams or trying to improve yourself, she’s probably going to give up on you too.
5. Be her biggest fan.
If you and your lady are on the same team, why would you not applaud her victories and triumphs too? Why would you not say, “Way to go!” or “You can do it!”?
You’re not a pushover or a “yes” man, but you actively show her how you respect her life choices. You may not always agree with them, but that’s the nature of being in relationship with someone different than you. You can agree to disagree as long as it’s not a dealbreaker.
If she’s rocking it as a mom or a #girlboss, let her know you support her and think she’s amazing. If she’s your teammate, then when she does well, so does your team.
Women (and I’m only meaning heterosexual women interested in a relationship) still need and want men. Yes, these women are perfectly capable of doing without men, but that’s why men need to adjust their expectations.
Many single and looking women today want and need a teammate, not a provider. They’re looking for someone who is going to walk this crazy life alongside them instead of in front of them.
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